Deep Thoughts

Every day Larry dusted. He never understood how so much dust could settle in one spot. But then again Larry was a zebra in the zoo and really didn't understand much about cleaning.

Deep Thoughts

Gina was always plotting ways to take over as President of the PTA, even going as far as planting fake documents in the current Presidents desk.
Now all she needed was a kid so she would be able to join the PTA.
Let the waiting game begin

Deep Thoughts

If Elephants could fly I would imagine that they could take over the world...because that would mean they are piloting planes and could parachute into our homes and cities.

I don't mean really fly like a bird, that would be silly. They are too heavy for that.

Deep Thoughts

Matt always knew people were looking at him when he went running, but it wasn't because he waws running so fast, it was because he had a big shirt that said "please look at me while I run".

Sometimes you get what you want

Deep Thoughts

Many people ask me for the time, and I always give it until this one guy asked me while he was in a pool. I didn't want to tell him because, really, where was he going?

Deep Thoughts

There is no easy way to move a refrigerator. Sometimes you can rock it back and forth and sometimes you can try to put it on a dolly, either way you should never do it while your friend is getting eggs out. For one it's messy, and secondly you might drop it on your friend and ruin all of those good eggs.

Chickens work hard on those eggs you know.

Deep Thoughts

Most of the evening Rhoda would cry and cry because no one wanted to date her. Then she remembered that she did meet someone the other day who promised to take her out for a milk shake. Then she remembered that milk doesn't agree with her stomach, so she cried because no one wanted to take her somewhere that she could eat.

Oh, did I forget to mention Rhoda was a cat? That might have been important. Rhoda was a cat, there. Set things straight

Deep Thoughts

Romeo, Romeo...where for art thou Romeo?
I'm over here...jeez. Someone needs glasses

Deep Thoughts

Meaningfull things are meaning less to Mary. She is just mean

Deep Thoughts

Claire use to wear her hair long. So long that she would trip on it. One day I told her she should cut it before someone gets hurt. Then she began to cry and I felt real bad, so I left. Later I found out that the hair had cut off circulation to her foot. I felt bad that I didn't help her, but I felt good that I was right.

I wonder if I should call her.

Deep Thoughts

Morrie always wondered why people said his garden was bad? He never did get sarcasm.

Deep Thoughts

Throwing rocks across a river can be fun, but throwing rocks across the sky is less fun, and difficult due to gravity. Only ducks can do it, but they don't even have fingers. Crazy ducks.

Deep Thoughts

Mary always thought it was best to keep well enough alone. If she really believed that then why would she buy those shoes?

Deep Thoughts

All of the gold in the world wouldn’t make me believe that Ira likes broccoli. It just wouldn’t.

Deep Thoughts

Connie loved ice cream. She would go on and on about it. Sometimes she would break into song about it. I think she really liked cookies too but she never sung about them so I don't really know.

Deep Thoughts

The other day I was drinking water and my friend came up and hit me on the back. I sprayed it all out and began chocking. I was angry, but then I remembered the time I ran over his foot and he had to have it amputated due to complications with the surgery, so I decided to just let it go.

Sometimes you just have to be the bigger man and let things go.

Deep Thoughts

Omar liked Joyce so much he decided to ask her for her hand in marriage. She agreed, but on the wedding day all he found was her bloody hand, cut off of her body and a note saying "I do".

Ha laughed and thought it was ironic, because he really only wanted to marry her hand.

Deep Thoughts

If I have three apples and I give you two apples. Then I will have only one apple left. You will feel pretty high and mighty about yourself but the trick here is that I had 9 apples and didn’t even give you half!

Now who can make apple pies? Me.

Deep Thoughts

There are three things that I love about Julie. The first is her ability to cook. The second is her ability to make you feel good no matter what.

There really aren’t three things I like about her, but she can cook really well.

Deep Thoughts

As Sarah tripped over her own shoe laces you would think that her last thought would have been “I should have tied my laces”, but no, she remembered that she forgot to set her recorder to tape her favorite rerun of Magnum PI.
On the way to the hospital she remembered that she actually set it a day or two ago, she so was relieved. Then stupidly she remembered that she forgot to tie her laces before her jog. Maybe if she had a better memory she wouldn’t be in this situation.

Also, she should get Velcro shoes.

Deep Thoughts

Carmen always believed that you give what you get, so one day she gave someone one thousand dollars! In return the person just smiled at her. That was the last time she believed in leprechauns.

Deep Thoughts

I don’t think it’s a good idea to make a bear angry. They never seem to be as nice as them seem in cartoons plus they are known to eat people. I think it’s safe to say Mary didn’t know this information or she would have never called that bear ugly. That wasn’t just a bad idea, it was mean.

Then when the bear was eating her, I realized that he did look quite ugly, but I wasn’t going to tell him that

Deep Thoughts

Everyone knew that Judy was a joker. She took great pride in making you look foolish, however she would always get upset when you would call her mother and tell her Judy was dead.

Sometimes I hate Judy.

Deep Thoughts

Birds always amuse me. Sometimes I like to watch them fly, and other times I just like to see them walk. But whatever they are doing they always seem to have something going on.

Maybe if I were a bird I would have picked my laundry up from the cleaners. They have been ready for 3 weeks!

Deep Thoughts

One day I pushed old Uncle Arthur over. You see, he only had one leg and as he fell I told him "You don't have a leg to stand on". As he fell he hit his head on a coffee table. I think he realized just how funny the joke was but that thought was taken up with the idea that he should have gone with a softer wooden table, because he is now in a coma.

As funny as my comment was is just as unfunny his coma is. Sometimes he takes things too far.

Deep Thoughts

They say music soothes the savage beast, but what about a hug? Huh? That might help a little better than some Mozart.

Deep Thoughts

If I were a King I would fill the moat around my castle with jello because, come on, who doesn’t like jello.

Deep Thoughts

All the world's a stage, but does that mean those kids have to perform on my lawn!

Deep Thoughts

Henry always liked Jenny, then one day she tried to run him over with her car. From that moment on he liked her a little bit less.

Deep Thoughts

The say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but what about vampires? It does nothing to stop vampires. Ouch, a vampire bit me, and no doctors will come to help me.

Super. Thanks for nothing apples

Deep Thoughts

Phyllis tried to convince me that elephants can fly. She argued and fought me on this fact day in and day out until one day I looked her straight in the eye and told her that she was crazy, and that if she really believed that elephants can fly then I didn’t want anything to do with her.

Several years later I heard that she passed away after years of battling depression and dementia. Then it hit me, if you put an elephant in an airplane it CAN FLY.

So maybe Phyllis wasn’t so crazy after all.

Deep Thoughts

Every day birds fly, they walk sometimes, but mainly they fly.
If I had one wish it would be that I could fly, I would soar around the city and get a good look at what was going on up there. Then I would meet up with a flock of birds and just hang out for a while. It would be great until they started to have a conversation with me, because I only had one wish and I forgot to ask for the ability to talk and understand bird.

You know, come to think of it, when a genie gives you a wish, why don't you just ask for more wishes, then that genie will learn a lesson

Deep Thoughts

If I were a letter of the alphabet I would be the letter T. There are just so many things to do as a T. So many words. Sometimes I would dress up and be a capital T, and sometimes when I am just casual, a lowercase t. Either way, I would be happy. And trust me, you don't want to make me angry.

Imagine capital t's where lower case t's should be, and vise verse. iT wouldn' T be ThaT Terrific. trusT me. You don't want to make a T angry.

Also, being a J would be fun. But not an Q, Q’s are pompous